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My lover’s mad if he thinks telling the truth will get him a second chance

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my lover’s girlfriend found out about our affair, we made up a story to downplay our long-term and passionate liaison.

But the amount of pain that story caused has terrified me. What on earth will happen if she learns the whole truth?

He thinks if he is totally honest with her, she might give him a second chance

I’m a 30-year-old woman and around nine months ago I bumped into an old college friend training in the park. He’s 31.

When I was 17, he was 18 and a nerd, with long hair and horrible blue glasses. But now he’s so fit.

After our 20-minute chat by the outdoor gym, he asked for my number and invited me out.

We met in a bar and had one drink before heading back to his. We both knew what we wanted.

The next morning, I woke up to find him pacing the other room.

He admitted he had a girlfriend, who he’d been with for three years.

I thought that would mean this would be a one-time thing, which would have been fine.

But then he said: “As long as you’re OK keeping this low-key, so am I.”

Ever since, we’ve been meeting at least once a week for sex.

It works well for me — I still get to date but am guaranteed a good night in with him too.

Last week he said his girlfriend suspected something.

She’d seen a condom wrapper in the bin and asked why he’d used one.

He wanted to confess to her, which I thought was a stupid idea. Why ruin a perfectly good relationship?

So we settled on telling her we’d slept together once. I thought she’d easily get over this — I would.

But she must have got my number from his phone.

She rang me sobbing and screaming, and said she’s planning to kick him out.

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Unbelievably, he thinks if he is totally honest with her, she might give him a second chance.

What do you think? I don’t want to be the reason he loses her.

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I can't get hard with my wife, but have no trouble with my lovers

DEIDRE SAYS: You won’t be the reason he loses her. This man risked his relationship – not you.

They need to decide for themselves if they want to work on their relationship and while they do, you’d be best off giving him a wide berth.

You persuaded yourself you’d be happy sneaking around but have been shocked by the impact of this behaviour.

You are clearly uncomfortable with being a part of any hurt.

Rather than spend time with someone emotionally unavailable, ask yourself why you are avoiding a real connection.



Nathan is exhausted by Kady's ideas to spice up their sex life

Have you been hurt before, or do you feel unworthy of real love?

Perhaps some counselling could help deal with any unresolved issues. Contact tavistockrelationships.org.